Dear All,

DISCLAIMER: I am stressed out, sleep deprived, freaked, and about to reach critical mass of caffeine consumption. So…take this for what it is worth and don’t hate me.

Wow. I am scared and I wrote it.

Of course I wrote the first three attempts too, and they were worse. I am tempted to leave all my spelling errors intact so you can see the state to which my current level of higher education has reduced me. There is something to be said for fat, dumb and happy. I am now skinnier (50 pounds since March), more knowledgeable, and neurotic. Notice the omission of the term “wiser” – I am still working on that one.

But, back to the beginning of the year when I was…

Christmas with the family was a blast, after missing my flight to Richmond and jumping a plane to Dulles w/o my luggage (it arrived at 5am next morning – thanks Delta and RIC!). The parents picked me up and we had a lovely reunion. The holidays were a blur of activity. I don’t remember details, but everything was enjoyable. Notably: Christmas morning (with Fortnum’s), tea with my Nana in Staunton VA, and seeing friends in F’burg here there and everywhere. My journal notes that departing home was like leaving fairyland and rejoining reality. Nice feeling, that!

January began with SCHOOL! What a shocker! This was the second semester of my post-graduate Masters of Public Health coursework at Touro University- CA. I went to school, went to Bible study, and spent too much time watching internet television – curse you internet inventor! The Touro University Winter Gala – 007 Casino Night was fun; I even took the opportunity to alter a $5 dress from Ross. I love Ross! Late in Jan I attended Maegan R (now D)’s bridal shower in Fresno CA. It was super fun, as all the R girls (and me) stayed at the same hotel and had lots of girl time. Jenny and I co-conspired on Maegan’s wedding tiara, and it was nice to be able to present it in person avec cam éra!

Honestly I was really bored in the spring semester, so I read a lot, and watched movies, and sort of stored up all the “fun” I knew would be sacrificed in the fall. A lot of good time was spent in Bible Study and getting myself mentally and emotionally prepared for the challenge ahead. The problem with boredom is that it is often accompanied by loneliness. Enough said.

February came and gave me a gift in Maegan’s wedding in San Diego CA. Mom and Dad came out to Napa to spend time with me while Jenny (who was the Maid of Honor) flew straight to San Diego to be with Maegan. Again, vacation was a blur, but M, D and I had a lovely time (in the rain) just being together (wine tasting, Charles Schultz museum, Jelly Belly factory, etc). The wedding was beautiful (no rain), but it was hard to let go of Maeg and we all had good cries at some point or other. Time with the family together was limited, but we enjoyed seeing each other after two months apart.

I don’t know if it is just me, but sometimes life just sucks. I wrote that in one of my journals in March and that sums up how I was feeling then. I was depressed on Easter Sunday, which was depressing in itself…and I was writing a fact sheet for school on Suicide due the next day. Maybe not a coincidence! God got me through that term using various ways and means, including time spent weeks before finals at a Women’s retreat in Lake Tahoe. Thanks Cornerstone for the scholarship! And the most beautiful thing was that I got a three week break at the end of April that fell over my birthday so HOME I WENT!

Home! I arrived on a Thursday, and spent my birthday on Saturday helping Dad with his triathlon (Go DAD!). Can’t think of a better way to spend a birthday! We had the party on Sunday with food and fun and then I spent the majority of the next week frantically sewing costumes with Jenny since we were determined to go to Coaching Days at Stratford Hall in full 18 th century garb. In addition to all that was a reception at the James Monroe Museum (in 19 th century costume), lunch with my Nana and Papa, and a day spent at the Crystal City Classic bike race – which is now the Air Force Classic – in Alexandria VA. We supported the Navy of course! We also spent considerable time planning for and executing a Mother Daughter Tea (J was the coordinator and I was her flunky) for CC Fredericksburg. It was all fun, but we decided there were too many activities and not enough down time. I was scheduled to come back on Monday the 12, but the flight was 8 hours delayed so I managed to wheedle two more days out of the undisclosed airline (since I was going to miss my first class for school anyway). The extra days at home were lovely because we hadn’t planned anything!

Back to NorCal! The summer was spent…you guessed it-- in SCHOOL! I was taking classes, working out (after all 50lbs doesn’t just come off on its own), calorie counting, and eventually working at the library on campus as a Library Clerk. I got the job and we got a new roommate about the same time – which was good because if I had been around the roommate more, homicide would not have stayed an ideation. As it was I lost my temper worse than I have done in (seriously) years. I was literally shaking with rage – and all over a stupid cat (straw on the camel’s back, I really don’t hate cats that much). Suffice it to say that the roommate stayed her prearranged two months (actually a little longer, but that is another story), and then left. Good things that came out of it were a better working relationship between Kristi (my first roommate) and me, and the availability for my new roommate Lutrell (who is a joy) to move in. We are three now, and no cats. J

As my entry into Medical School (at Touro) neared I got more stressed and nervous, but the job and schoolwork helped to keep me focused. The classes overlapped, so I didn’t get a real break from May until…well about two weeks from now. Kristi was wonderful and put up with my mood swings and idiocy. I started working with the Junior High at church, joined a community choir, and started medical school.

I am in MEDICAL SCHOOL! Like Whoa.

Orientation was overwhelming and sort of surreal. And then classes started. And they are still going on. In fact there is one going on as I type. I am not there. I took today as a mental health day because the thought of sitting in class today filled me with indescribable terror and loathing. I don’t think this is abnormal. I am one week away from the start of my final block of exams for my first semester of Medical school and if I listed all the lectures that I have to know inside, outside, and upside down for the exam you would all run screaming into the woods with me. Please, please, whenever you next have the opportunity to see your doctor, thank them for the time they spent as a medical school student…because it is…yeah.

I love my school. My teachers are great, and I am excited about what I am learning. It is just very overwhelming and I covet your prayers because I need all the help I can get.

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear…
there is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
the holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.”
Psalm 46:1-5

God is good, and His mercy endures for ever…and it is new every morning. I hope your Christmas is gloriously filled with Him and that you take time with me to remember (or find out) what the Christ in Christmas is all about.

Grace and Peace (and don’t forget to recycle your aluminum),
Student Doctor Bridget White

P.S. Honorable mention for much needed retreat time spent at undisclosed location in SoCal for Fall Break and the R’s who took me in at the last minute for an awesome Thanksgiving. Kisses, SD B